like 2021, it was difficult this year with only one race on the docket....but unlike 2021, so many more crewing hours and way too many aid station shifts outside of Alberta.)
- it's not that i'm lost, but rather that i'm not encumbered by things to look for right now.
- or that my joy compass is still recalibrating from last year.
- much of my life has been filled with events that are merely KT tape patches for my existential angst.
- after a while I think I accept that very few of them are truly aligned with my values and soul, mostly because I historically had difficulty with the discomfort of just sitting there with an empty page of my life.
- and maybe there was alignment once upon a time, when i didn't know any better and wasn't any more aware. but as we get older and wiser, we realize what we do doesn't give us the answers we need. or that it does, but then we go off gallivanting for answers to completely different questions that come with the stage of growth we're in.
- By extension - I don't think I've truly felt true excitement in a very long time. racing just isn't doing it for me anymore.
- it's entirely possible this sport has gotten way too commercialized for me and I'm just a bit jaded from it all. I have a strict aversion to anything UTMB related now and am leaning towards quirky high-quality non-Hardrock/WS qualifiers.
- alternatively, I've done did everything I set out to do back in the day - and nothing has really changed.
- The empty page is there for a reason. There's nothing wrong with not knowing or doing.
- i've been strength training and balance training a ton in the meantime though for whenever I sort things out. and part of this angst is from realizing that there's only so much I can do with my stupid serpentine-y running style, and that I don't have many good years left.
- i swear my physio is trying to turn me into a circus acrobat with all the balance work i'm doing. not that there's anything wrong with that.
- i'm not exactly saying that we should have loads and loads of idle time doing nothing and meditating - but rather instead, having a multitude of decision trees and outcomes available to be actioned on depending on how things play out.
- i've always gotten my shit together right after the WSER/hardrock lottery weekend during December - but after striking out on both this year, i've committed to not committing to anything until the new year. it's a weird feeling holding onto a a tabula rasa this long.
- i purchased a freestanding wood burning sauna this month, and it's incredible what a couple hours a day of just sitting alone without my phone, sweating the day's negativity out.....does to your skin. and soul.
- I mentioned the Glastonbury fallow year last year, and this year kinda felt like that. it's a lovely feeling - to step back and look at the big picture, instead of mindlessly doing the metaphorical equivalent of chasing a trail of candy into the witch's oven in Hansel and Gretel.
- and it's also fun helping others with their journey, building off your experiences from another life! seriously, there's a larger joy in staying in shape for short-notice crewing/pacing than staying in shape for racing.
- despite the realization this shit just isn't really working for me, there's still a lot to be grateful for this year.
- by chance, I somehow made it onto NPR. wasn't really a life goal of mine, but they found me at my most exhausted in years, and it made for some hilarity.
- by chance, I became a part of a grand adventure, witness to an imperial fuckton of fitness, and gained new rad brothers and sisters.
- the title is a reference to me stealing an idea from my buds Heather/Stephanie's aid station at Moose Mountain Trail races this year - they had body glitter available for the last 5mi. I brought this to a race in Georgia and just seeing the vibes was amazing.
- the other "why the fuck didn't I think about this earlier": maybe it's a quebec thing, but having giant bottles of maple syrup dispensed via coffee syrup pumps into ice cream mini goblet cones was new to me. gonna use this for delivering insulin shock from here on out.
by the numbers
- distance run: 5456.62km
- elevation gained: 137,113m
- distance biked: 809.31km
- elevation gained: 5827m
- distance classic skied: 0km
- elevation gained: 0m
- distance skate skied: 0km
- elevation gained: 0m
ultra races run:
Currently committed 2024 schedule:
- Pace/crew Hardrock, 11-14 July
last year's new year's resolutions
this year's new year's resolutions
- FKT the East Coast Trail, end to end. the one in newfoundland.
- get into 300mi shape for 2025 (it's not Tuscon, so calm down)
- keep pacing/crewing for friends and strangers
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